Deborah Fujiwara
Kids
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As the raindrops picked up momentum, changing from a light drizzle to a full-on rain, I checked my son’s jacket to make sure it was zipped up the front and suggested he pull the hood over his head, while wondering why the heck softball practice hadn’t been cancelled. This was the first of two softball practices that day, with my daughter’s practice from 3:45-5:00 and my son’s practice conveniently located at a different field on the other side of town from 4:45-6:00. This would be followed by my daughter’s basketball game (gotta love overlapping seasons!) from 6:30-7:30, for which she needed to be present at 6:15. And after getting home in the 7:40 PM range, not only did we still have homework to contend with, but my over-extended ass had volunteered to bake four dozen basketball-decorated cupcakes for a party the next day.
Figuring out the logistics of days like that, even in the most rudimentary sense of just getting everyone to the correct location on time, properly attired for the right sport and fed during the precious few intervening moments, make me rejoice in the fact that I bothered to earn a J.D. before opting for the stay-at-home life. Clearly, all-pro logic skills are required in order to survive this life, right? Wrong. Anyone with an ounce of reasoning prowess would correctly surmise that having multiple children play multiple sports with overlapping seasons just doesn’t work. As such, I will chalk up my ability to power through a day like that not to my advanced training in the powers of logic, but to sheer stupidity.
And I’m not alone. I am not the only mother sitting on the cold, wet sidelines during practice trying to amuse one bored sibling until the tables turn and the still-cold, still-wet mother gets to amuse the other now-bored sibling whose practice has just ended while the initially bored child practices. This is a common component of the crazy, often child-centered lives we lead these days.
How does one survive possessing even a modicum of sanity? Find your peace. Your moment of calm near the eye of the storm, where for just a short reprieve your world stops spinning and stands still. Peace looks different for everyone, as it’s more an internal state of mind than a function of just sitting on your ass for a minute (though that does bring me both peace and happiness). But I’ll share with you some of my favorite tips for surviving the sports season:
- Keep your piggies perfectly pedi’ed. Sitting in a massage chair for an hour a month reading US Magazine while some Vietnamese woman sands your heels down to bone with sandpaper pays off all month long. When the weather cooperates, something as simple as sliding a well-maintained foot along the warm sideline grass or gazing down at how well you wear a flip-flop can bring a smile during a never-ending practice.
- Hit the gym! Not only does that hour a day on the elliptical trainer give you the ability to tune out the world and crank up bands your kids abhor (mine have a zero tolerance policy on anything that did not rank on the Billboard Top 40 charts during the mid-‘90s or later), but it also gives you free license to trudge around for the rest of the day rocking a dirty ponytail and no makeup in a socially acceptable way … “OMG! Have you seen how horrific Deb looks when she picks the kids up from school? Truly beastly. I tell ya.” … “Yeah, but she comes straight from the gym.”
- Matinee mania. I swear there is no luxury in life more indulgent than sliding solo into a prime seat in the middle of a dead empty movie theater at 11:00 AM on a Wednesday with a 4 buck bottle of water in one hand and your whole day’s worth of calories in the other. Perfect opportunity to see that darkly depressing Blue Valentine movie none of your gal pals want to see with you or that chick flick for which you’ll have to put out in order to get your husband to see with you.
- Embrace your inner Martha Stewart. Let’s face it -- not all of us can cook, clean, craft, organize, brand ourselves or serve jail time with style the way Martha can. But odds are that we’re all pretty good at at least one of those and derive some degree of gratification from it (save for the jail time, though that might be a break from the grind ;)). Find your creative calling and go for it! I personally subscribe to a mountain of women’s magazines and draw inspiration from them all the time.
- BLOG!!! Yep, you read that little gem of self-indulgence correctly. Find a forum for whatever it is that you want to talk about: being a mother, making jewelry, your freakish interest in circus midgets, etc. Find a community of like-minded folk and engage with them. Meeting people outside your carpool and entering a different world for even a minute can be a glorious break from your reality.
How about the rest of you? What do you do to survive a season of overlapping sports or get through whatever other aspect of life makes you want to pull the covers over your head?
This afternoon I foun
d myself peering down at the salad bar at a local kiddie amusement haunt. You know the one with the dude dressed up in a scary looking rodent costume, the flavorless cardboard pizza and the penny prizes your kids extort 20 bucks off you to win? As my stomach turned at the sight of the canned fruit cocktail and Jell-O salad before me, I found myself wondering what exactly I was doing there. Simple. I was killing time. One of the 17 days (not that anyone is counting ;) ) my children have off school for Christmas vacation, though I am repeatedly reminded that use of the phrase “Christmas vacation” makes me sound like a dinosaur, as it’s now “winter break”. Winter break can be a beautiful thing. Oh how great it was to have precious time with my beautiful babies (they object to this phrase as well) to bake cookies, have the neighbors over to make holiday crafts, and watch “A Christmas Story” at least a dozen times. I also like to put my kids to work wrapping the truly odd shaped gifts we give people because when a kindergartner jacks up a package, it’s adorable. When his mommy does it, it is what it is –- a crappy job.
I’ve never been a proponent of violence. When my husband advised me that he’d be participating in not one or even two, but THREE fantasy football leagues this season, I refrained from hurling the TV at him and simply told him to get a life. And though I may harbor fantasies about backing my car over whichever elementary school administrator decided half-day kindergarten was a good idea, I’ve yet to act on that. Instead I tell myself that this individual has clearly never been responsible for amusing a five-year-old the remaining 21 hours a day, but one day he’ll be saddled with his grandkids for the weekend and come to feel my pain.
However, the limits of my preference for passive aggression are currently being pushed by the most worthless little creatures ever to arise on the parental radar. Rather than feeling placated by simply spewing forth sarcasm, as I generally do, I find myself constructing elaborate dreams of bleaching the blossoms right off a Fabulous Floral Fox, telling a Peppermint Reindeer there is no Santa Claus, or twisting and turning the horn adorning the top of Sunshine Unicorn’s head until it snaps off and I shove it up his … I’ll stop now. You get the picture.
Don’t call PETA yet. These loathsome animals I long to harm aren’t real. They’re stuffed creations. Witness my daughter’s beloved Painted Puppy:
Now that Labor Day has come and gone, long lazy days of summer have been replaced by frenetic afternoons of homework and soccer practice. For some, this marked the first week back to school, while others of us have had a week or two to get back into the swing of things.
Heading back to school can be a rough adjustment for some. I’m not referring to the anxious mothers who shed almost as many tears as their child in front of the kindergarten classroom door each morning. To them, I can only suggest that a 9:00 AM mojito and pedicure will quickly reveal their child’s ascension into kindergarten to be a gift. Rather, I am referring to children.
After 10-12 weeks of lounging by a swimming pool, sitting glassy-eyed in front of a computer all day, playing Wii to their heart’s content, living it up at the local day camp or however your child spent their summer, the shrill sound of a 7:00 AM alarm clock followed by being dumped off at the curb in front of school shortly thereafter can be a harsh sting. As parents, one of the things we can do to lessen that sting is to remind our children how much we love them.
Though we tend to shower our kids with far too much loot these days (tell me I’m not alone in raising over-privileged spawn who possess every piece of mass-marketed plastic junk known to man), it is actually FREE to let your child know you’re thinking of them throughout the day. Yep, that whole “love don’t cost a thing” isn’t just a dated J. Lo tune.
There are a couple quick and easy things my kids love during the school year that only take a minute of my time, but make them feel loved despite being tossed out of the house for the day:
Leave ‘Em a Love Note
Sometimes I draw a heart, sometimes a happy face or a peace sign. Sometimes it’s a Sharpie on the hand as we head out the door, sometimes it’s a colorful note in their backpack. But giving a child something they can look at throughout the day if they miss home can go a long way.
As an added bonus, your daughter may be less likely to write the phone numbers of cute boys on her hands if the space is already taken by her mommy. ;)
Give 'Em a Lunchtime Smile
This “teddy bear” (my daughter has yet to figure out that this shape is more commonly used for gingerbread men) does double duty. He provides lunchtime smiles and saves me from having to take the time to cut the crust off sandwiches. One quick press of a cookie cutter and the job is done! In my house, the “teddy bear” is the default shape. However, we have a massive stash of seasonal cookie cutters. The “teddy bear” will soon give way to the pumpkin, then the turkey, then the Christmas tree, then the heart, then the Spring daisy and so on. It adds a festive smile to their lunch boxes. Not to mention that at the elementary school level, classmates marvel to my kids at how darn artistic their mommy must be because the sandwiches are cut so perfectly every day. LOL
Smiles and love are quick and free. Make sure you dole out plenty each day to help beat those back to school blues (and nip morning whining!) These tricks work wonders with my kids, but I know there are a hundred million other ideas out there. Does anyone else have any back to school practices to share? Any tips or traditions your kids love?
Recently, while driving my 5-year-old son to a swimming lesson, I was caught off guard by his surprising revelation, “I can’t wait to pee in the pool.” Say what?? Did my child really just say that? Surely I misunderstood. He’s raised right. Trained to say “please” and “thank you,” as well as eat his veggies. There’s no way he pees in the pool … is there?
Hoping he’d simply uttered some variation of, “I can wait to BE in the pool,” I asked for clarification. Nope. I heard it correctly the first time. He confessed that he thinks it feels good to pee in the water and enjoys that it’s the only time he can pee in his pants without anyone noticing.
I appreciated his honesty, but had less than two miles of travel time to correct his behavior.
I asked him to bear that fondness in mind the next time he got water in his eyes or in his mouth. And for him to further bear in mind the possibility of what would happen if everyone at the pool were to share his philosophy. Does he want eyes full of pee? Does he want to swallow his own and everyone else’s pee? I watched his face carefully in the rearview mirror as I spoke to him and was pleased to see his eyes widen in horror and disgust before he quickly said it’d be super gross to drink pee.
